Addiction
by PianoPlayer1200
Summary: The first step to recovering from addiction is admitting you have a problem . Eren Jaeger has a problem with his ex-boyfriend Levi . Will he be able to overcome his addiction ? [ Oneshot ]


The one thing people never prepare you for in this world is pain. From the very beginning you are sheltered from it and the idea seems far-fetched. But as you get older the barrier begins to slowly slip away and little by little pain comes your way. At first it's physical, but then it's mental and then, emotional. No one prepares you for the emotional pain. It leaves you carved out and hollow, empty and completely desolate. Healing is even worse; it takes double the amount of pain to pick up the pieces.

_The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem_.

Eren Jaeger **did** have a problem. It was his stupid boyfriend – now ex-boyfriend – of his. He angrily wiped his ocean eyes and glared at his bedroom wall. Since the beginning of their two year relationship, the idea of pain never crossed his mind. They had been compatible from the start: Eren was the sun to illuminate Levi's dark, sarcastic personality. They had been friends long before dating. It had taken nudges and a couple awkward dates before they realized that – _duh _ – they had feelings for each other. From then on out the two had been nothing but happy. They often spent most of their time together and scheduled things around their relationship. It had been a blissful two years but it took all that time for it to break down.

_Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity_.

Eren spent his days lying in his bed, unmoving and unresponsive to everything around him. His best friend Armin would come every day and bang relentlessly on his door, shouting for Eren and pleading for him to open the door. He even had the audacity to bring in Mikasa, Eren's adoptive sister, but her loud banging did nothing to change the situation. They would resort to talking to him through the door. She tried to soothe him with her kind words by telling him that this was just Fate, that Destiny had some sort of plan for him that was greater than this. Armin echoed her words and stated that everything happened for a reason and that something better was bound to come to him.

Eren thought it was just a load of bullcrap.

His mind wandered back to his last moments with Levi and how the second the words had rolled off his tongue everything around him disappeared. The world seemed bleaker, colorless, without the flavor of life it always seemed to have. He was slowly going insane and he felt like there was no force that could help him regain his mind.

_Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him_.

Religion had never been something that crossed his mind. Growing up his parents had attended church at times, but they had never been too serious about it. He remembered hearing the pastor discuss God and how he punished people for their actions. It had frightened the young boy and he often tried to do good so God didn't punish him. As he rolled over in his grimy sheets he wondered _is God punishing me for all I have done?_ He wasn't sure how God had even wandered into his mind but figured that it was his insanity. Was he really being punished? But for what?

He shook his head and burrowed his head deeper into his pillows. His appearance was becoming gaunter by the day; his cheekbones pressed sharply against his skin, giving him an almost skeletal appearance. His hair was amazingly greasy and was slowly beginning to fall out. Tan skin that once glowed radiantly was now fading and losing its brilliant sheen. Even his bright eyes were losing their light, symbolizing the end of his era of happiness. The idea of God continued to linger in his mind and he tried desperately to shake it off. But it was of no use.

_Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves_.

It had been about two weeks since the breakup. Eren had not rolled out of bed for anything. Mikasa and Armin had given up after a week and figured that time would hopefully heal his wounds. He had just woken up and, as always, was confused as to what time it was. But for some strange reason, an unfamiliar feeling was floating around in his chest. Perhaps it was all the sleep talking or his mind protesting against being unused, but he was hit by a bolt of inspiration.

**Get out of bed.**

Why should I get out of bed? Rubbing his eyes he began to question himself. There's no point in getting up; there's nothing worth living for anymore. But something deep inside of him was urging him to get up. It took a while but he eventually obliged. He sat up in bed and observed everything around him. The curtains had been drawn for two weeks, forbidding sunshine from entering the room. He struggled to push himself off the bed and managed to hobble over on weak legs to the window. Sucking in a deep breath he shakily pulled the curtains aside.

_O sweet light, bring me your sympathy_

He had to squint against the harshness that was the sun. He relished the warmth, the familiar sensation of feeling again. He closed his eyes and soaked everything in, remembering life before.

**Remembering what it was like to live.**

His legs began to shake uncontrollably beneath him and he managed to make it back to his bed before his legs gave out completely. Birds began chirping outside and, for the first time in fourteen days, he smiled. For the first time in a while Eren Jaeger was actually okay. His mind wandered back to the end of the two years and he was immediately warped to an old scene. Their time had often been spent at each other's places, whether they were simply watching TV or making passionate love. They had been arguing a lot lately, more than usual, and Eren feared that it was the end of the relationship.

"I'm so sick of your shit, Eren! You never give me any space and then act like I don't pay enough attention to you!"

He didn't know how to reply to the older man's barked comment. He sent him a venomous glare and sharply replied, "It's not my fault you're a cold hearted asshole."

What came next was an all-out screaming match that had some of their neighbors trembling in their units. Levi's temper got so out of hand that he punched straight through his TV screen. Blood flowing down his fingers, he turned to Eren, trembling, and simply said, "I don't _ever_ want to see you again. Get out of my damn apartment."

What had started all the arguments? They had begun to spend more time apart and suspicions arose, especially when Levi had begun to spend more time with his past flame. Eren had gotten jealous and, in Levi's eyes, had gotten too clingy. Accusations had come out when they were yelling at each other and it had ended their relationship. Armin had pointed out the cracks had been there in the beginning. From the start Eren had never completely trusted Levi, especially since Erwin _worked_ with the damn guy. But he had put it aside and enveloped himself in happiness instead.

And now they were over.

Frowning Eren pushed himself onto his elbows and took in a shaky breath. Now that his mind had been cleared for the past two weeks he realized that maybe he had been to blame too. He should have trusted Levi; he had chosen to get into a relationship with him knowing his past. Trust is the most important part of a relationship. He should have had that in the beginning. Maybe he shouldn't have been so clingy. The whole point of a relationship was that the two people in it had to grow together.

He shook his head and figured maybe there was no point in having any anger. Sure, Levi should have been more responsible with things but that was out of Eren's control. Maybe he should have given Levi more space in the beginning. Maybe they should have talked things out right from the start. A bunch of maybes wandered through his head but he gave out a gruff "_No_" before they could escalate. He wasn't going to dwell on the past any longer. He had made his mistakes and was now paying for it. The relationship had been flawed in the beginning but there was nothing he could do now.

_Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs_.

He sat at the edge of his bed for an hour before he realized it was time for him to rejoin society. It took all his strength to walk into the bathroom and he managed to make it before collapsing onto the toilet. With shaking hands he turned on the shower and stripped off his stinky clothes and tossed them in the trash. He carefully stepped in and made sure to balance himself so he didn't slip and fall. The water felt foreign on his skin, like a stranger's fingers brushing him for the first time. He relished the feeling and scrubbed out all his problems from his pores.

After about half an hour he had managed to remove all traces of dirt and grime and was now clean once again. His hair had regained its shine and volume and his skin was slightly aglow. Now for some clothes . . . He figured he wouldn't be leaving the house soon so he slipped on an old gray T shirt and some sweats. Sighing he began to tidy up his room, picking up furniture he had thrown and stripping the bed of its sheets. He had gotten the laundry going and figured maybe it was time to talk to someone.

The receiver on the other end answered on the second ring. It was a second before the person nervously answered, "Eren?"

"Hey, Armin," he replied, voice raspy from lack of use. "How you been, man?"

There was another pause before Armin's shrill voice rang out from the phone. "What the _fuck_ kind of question is that?! Mikasa and I _came for your ass_ but you completely shut us out! And now you decide to crawl out and make contact?! The fuck man?!"

Eren didn't know how to reply; Armin was a reserved, quiet man but this? He chuckled and leaned back into the couch. "I know man, I'm sorry. I did a lot of thinking and . . ."

He sucked in a deep breath. While he had been putting in the clothes to wash, the thought had occurred that maybe it was time for him to talk to someone. Mikasa had never approved of Levi from the beginning and he didn't want to hear her "I told you so's" after a long two weeks. Why Jean had crossed his mind was beyond him. His parents were too busy so he figured well, maybe Armin would understand.

But apparently he was beyond pissed.

Upon hearing Eren's voice trail off he immediately fell quiet. Taking a deep breath Eren said, "I was so angry because I thought Levi was completely to blame but he wasn't. A relationship takes two people and it takes those two people to make things work. That's where I went wrong. It never crossed my mind to work things out. I never wanted to talk things out with him. I just assumed that things would be okay but they really weren't. And you even warned me!"

Armin laughed. "I did, didn't I?"

Eren smiled. "Yeah buddy, you really did. And that should have been something I discussed before the relationship. But now there's nothing I can do and I can't change back time. It'll take time but . . . But I'll be okay."

He could hear the smile in Armin's voice. "I'm really glad to hear that, Eren. Mikasa and I _seriously_ thought you died."

Eren burst out laughing. "Yeah right, I'll die after you finally ask Annie out on a date!"

"EREN!" Armin immediately began to sputter, causing his best friend to laugh even more. They chatted a bit before Eren told him he had to finish cleaning up and they agreed to go for lunch later that week. After hanging up he sighed and felt like the weight that had been on his shoulders was lifted.

_We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character_.

The next day it seemed like nothing had happened. The apartment was clean, laundry was done, bed was made, and Eren was dressed and ready to face the world. Thankfully Armin had reached out to his boss Ymir and informed her of Eren's situation. She was a moody woman but upon hearing about it she softened and passed on a message hoping for his recovery. He was set to go back to work next week and he was actually excited. Mikasa had decided to treat him to lunch to celebrate and he was waiting for her to arrive.

He nervously pulled on the sleeve of his flannel just as the doorbell rang. He jogged to the door and was met with the sight of his sister. She smiled up at him (something that was really rare) and pulled him into a fierce hug. Laughing he struggled to escape her clutch but was unsuccessful.

"Eren I swear to God you had me worried!"

He scratched his neck awkwardly. "I already got the third degree from Armin, thanks."

During the car ride to the café he was constantly apologizing for his past behavior. She dismissed him and curtly said it was fine, that she figured he would be heartbroken. He could hear the anger in her voice, which he guessed was directed towards Levi. After about fifteen minutes they were at their destination and sitting out in the fresh breeze. Mikasa's black hair fluttered in the wind and she brought her trademark red scarf closer to her body.

"How are you really feeling?"

Eren frowned from behind his glass of water. The conversation had been light but had suddenly turned deep. He set his glass down slowly and folded his hands onto the table. Sighing he ran a hand through his hair while trying to form some words.

"I told Armin I'll be okay and it's true. Don't they all say time heals all wounds or some shit like that? I guess that's what will happen to me. I just need time to pick up the pieces, Mikasa. Don't worry too much about me."

He shouldn't have said that.

Mikasa shot daggers at him as the waiter walked away. He reached for a bread roll but was met with a hand sharply slapping him away. Flinching he retracted his hand and stared at Mikasa in shock.

"What are you doing?!"

She reached for a roll and began to pull at it. "You know my job is to worry about you."

Sighing he slumped forward onto his hands. "I mean I guess. Whatever."

The waiter returned with their entrees a few minutes later and they ate in silence. Eren hadn't eaten for two weeks but he was slowly regaining his appetite. Mikasa would make the occasional comment, to which he would respond with a grunt. Once they were finished they walked back to her car and drove back. Just as he was about to get out she grabbed onto his sleeve.

"Eren."

He turned around to face her, slightly confused. She adjusted her scarf and quietly said, "Please be rational from now on. You seriously worry me."

Smirking he replied, "Mikasa, remember what I said. I'll be _fine_."

_Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings_.

The rest of the week was spent relaxing. He lounged around and watched TV, played video games, and even had time to read. Whenever he felt the gloominess return he would pause and immediately find something to do to distract his mind. So far it had been working and he had been nothing but happy and positive. He saw Armin on the Saturday before returning to work for lunch and things picked up where they left off. On Sunday he figured he would do something he hadn't done in a while.

He went to church.

Just entering the grand chapel made him anxious. Everyone around him seemed prim and proper, surrounded by an aura of goodness and faith. Even the children seemed perfect; they were dressed in their Sunday best and were nothing but polite. He awkwardly grabbed a missal and settled in a pew close to the back. People around him were whispering amongst themselves, greeting each other and catching up quickly. He flipped through the holy pages to the one for today and looked around him. Some people flashed him a friendly smile, a quiet gesture of welcome.

The church fell quiet as the choir began to sing the opening hymn.

The procession began, with the altar servers in the front leading the lectors and, finally, the priest himself. Eren suddenly felt small in presence of the priest, who had a smile on his face as he walked towards the altar. The music stopped and he began his opening message, addressing everyone and even the new members. As the service went on Eren felt himself relaxing and more at peace. When it was time for Communion he hesitated and began to debate whether he should go and receive the Holy Eucharist. His parents had gone to church enough that he had done his First Communion but after everything that had happened he felt unworthy.

He sank down into his seat, letting his head fall into his hands. He felt guilty; he hadn't been the best person he could have been for two years. Sighing he was brought out of his thoughts by a gentle touch to his shoulder. Surprised, Eren looked up into the bright eyes of the priest. He was smiling gently at the brunette and lightly pressed his hands to his forehead, murmuring a blessing for him. Immediately a warm feeling spread throughout his body, leaving behind happiness and hope.

The churchgoers exited the holy place feeling blessed and light. Eren followed the flow of the crowd out of the church. The priest was standing at the exit, bidding people goodbye and blessing objects. Taking in a deep breath he walked to the priest and extended his hand out. The man took it and firmly shook it, looking deep into his eyes.

"Thank you Father. I've been having a terrible month and –"

"My child, you are very welcome. Remember that God never leaves his children behind. Your sorrows will be gone soon. May God bless you."

_Make a list of all persons we had harmed and because willing to make amends to them all._

Eren's first week back at work went by smoothly. He was welcomed back by everyone, even his grumpy boss Ymir. She assured him if he needed anything to inform her and that she was available to talk whenever. He was surprised at her sudden kindness but figured since she had been in a relationship with her girlfriend, Krista, for four years she understood. At the end of the week he was once again back to relaxing, eating some takeout he had ordered when he was struck with an idea.

It's time to apologize.

He stood up and grabbed some blank papers from his desk and sat back down. Taking a bite of his kung pao chicken he began thinking of all the people he had inadvertently hurt while being in the relationship. He had revolved all his time around Levi and had completely ignored his friends. When invited to go out he would brush them off to spend time with his boyfriend instead. The first two people on his list were Mikasa and Armin. He had started to fix things with both of them but he wasn't done quite yet.

Next came his parents. Throughout the two years he had never introduced Levi to them. When he talked to them he had mentioned him, yes, but he had never made the effort for them all to meet. He had neglected to spend time with them and he had forgotten that they were getting older. Sighing he ran a hand through his hair and continued on.

Jean Kirstein.

He made a face. Horseface had known him since middle school and the two had been rivals at first but then had slowly become friends. During college they had often studied together and even got drunk together. Things had been going pretty well between them until Eren entered his relationship. He forgot about Jean and would always cancel plans with him. He would receive endless phone calls and angry texts from him, demanding that he not forget about his buddy. But Eren had and for two years they had lost touch.

He added on to the list. Marco, Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Bertolt . . .

A slight frown appeared on his face when he realized how extensive the list was. Heck, he even included the guy who bagged his groceries! Sighing he set his paper down and let his head fall into his hands. He had really fucked up, hadn't he? His friends probably didn't even know who he was anymore. Eren had let himself drown in Levi without coming up for air. And now he had no one to save him from the crashing waves.

_Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others._

"Eren Jaeger?"

Jean Kirstein's voice sounded extremely surprised with a tinge of confusion. The man in question gave a nervous chuckle and replied, "The one and only."

There was a brief pause. For a second Eren thought his ashbrown friend had hung up and he began to panic. But just as he was about to start yelling Jean's name he replied.

"Do you need a favor or something."

There was such indifference in his voice that Eren felt his heart sink. Had it gotten to the point where a phone call from him meant he needed something? Sighing he said, "No. No, actually I don't. I wanted to apologize."

He could practically picture Jean angling the phone away from him and staring at it with wide eyes. Jean cleared his throat and asked, "Apologize?"

"I've been such a douche to you, man," Eren started. "I put my piece of shit boyfriend – er, ex-boyfriend now – before everyone and now I don't have anyone. I should have balanced my time between everyone but I was too selfish. Now I'm paying for it. I really am."

"Ouch. I'm sorry to hear you guys broke up."

Eren glanced blankly at his living room walls. "S'cool man, nothing I can do."

An awkward silence settled between them. He wasn't sure what to say anymore; he thought he had said what he needed to. But apparently he hadn't.

"Do you wanna go for coffee tomorrow? You know, catch up?"

"It's been two years, Jaeger. I doubt one coffee run will be enough."

Eren burst out laughing, shutting his eyes. He could hear Jean grinning on the other side of the line. After a minute he collected himself and said in between chuckles, "I think you're right. Alright coffee _runs_ then."

Jean laughed too, the lightness between the two returning. "You owe me coffee runs, you little shit. Swear to Freckled Jesus."

Eren gave one last chuckle. "Alright, so how does tomorrow at 10 sound? We can go to Café Maria."

"Sounds good to me. Better not be late, Jaegerbombtastic."

"Until then, Horseface."

_Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it._

The next morning, at 10 sharp, Eren Jaeger and Jean Kirstein greeted each other outside of Café Maria. March was beginning to roll around and the weather had taken a suddenly sharp turn. Despite the sun being out, it was rather chilly due to the wind blowing relentlessly. Eren had pulled on a scarf and a leather jacket to keep warm, with a gray beanie to top it off. Jean was wearing a peacoat and dark wash jeans tucked neatly into combat boots. They greeted each other with big, goofy grins before embracing each other.

"Huh, so Armin _was_ right. You are alive!"

Eren punched him playfully. "Shut up, man. I'm here aren't I?"

Jean chuckled and led him inside, opening the door for him. The Café was much warmer inside, with waiters bustling about and patrons chatting happily. A young girl with strawberry blonde hair greeted them and led them to a table near the back. They settled into their seats and took a menu from the hostess. Once she was gone they began scanning the menus, offering suggestions to the other.

The waiter came and took their drink orders before rushing off to grab them. Jean leaned back in his seat and eyed Eren.

"So what _really_ convinced you to call me?"

He had been thinking about that all night. Why Jean had been the first person he called was beyond him. Eren could have called his parents first and made amends; hell, he could have driven up to go visit them! But instead he had chosen Kirstein instead. Maybe he felt guilty for always abandoning him. Perhaps he was missing out on just hanging with the bro.

Maybe there was something deeper underneath it all.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Guilt, I guess. I was just bored."

Jean flicked his straw wrapper at him. Eren frowned at him. "Hey!"

"Don't be rude, Jaeger."

He rolled his teal eyes. "I suppose I missed you a bit."

The waiter returned then and set down their drinks. He quickly took their order before bustling off once again. Eren yawned and leaned back in his seat as well, putting his arms behind his head. Jean had gotten quiet and was now staring at the table blankly. Raising an eyebrow Eren leaned across the table and flicked him on the forehead.

"What's gotten into you, Horseface?"

Jean slowly raised his light brown eyes to meet Eren's. He hesitated before answering. "We're buds, right?"

Eren looked at him, bewildered. "Of course we are, man. Why, what's wrong?"

"I can tell you anything?"

"Sure, sure."

"Without anything getting weird."

"Just get to the point, Kirstein."

Jean scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. He blew out a gust of air and settled his eyes onto the table once again. Eren was beginning to get a bit worried; had the guy killed a man or something?

"Part of the reason I wanted to spend more time with you when you first dated . . . Levi . . . was because I had feelings for you. And I, er, still kinda do."

Eren blinked. Had Jean just –

The waiter arrived then with their food. **This guy has the absolute worst timing** Eren thought to himself as his sandwich was placed in front of him. He quietly thanked him and set his napkin on his lap. Jean had gotten quiet again and kept his eyes trained on his Panini. They ate in silence, unsure of what to say after the confession. Halfway through the meal Eren knew the elephant in the room would have to be addressed.

"Jean."

The man slowly looked up, fear evident in his eyes. He gave a subtle nod of acknowledgment and waited for Eren to continue. Taking in a quick breath he said, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Jean scowled. "I knew you and Levi would end up together. I saw the way you two were with each other. It was pretty obvious you two would date."

Eren flushed. Had they really been that oblivious?

"How long?"

A pause.

". . . Since freshman year of college."

It had been six years.

Eren was taken back. Jean had been nursing a crush on him for **six years** and was barely getting it off his chest. His heart sank in his chest at the realization. But . . . He had told himself he was moving on. No more dwelling on the past, he had promised himself. Maybe this was the opportunity he needed to push himself forward.

He set down his sandwich and smiled at Jean. "How about you & I go on a date today?"

Jean's eyes popped open so wide Eren feared they were going to jump right out of their sockets. His mouth opened but no words came out.

"I'm going to assume that's a yes?"

Jean quickly nodded, eyes still wide. Eren laughed and continued eating. "Cool. A day long date then."

And just like Eren said they had a day long date. After eating they went for a stroll in the park, holding hands and pointing out the little things they noticed. A man was walking around selling ice cream so the duo decided to buy some. Eren tried feeding Jean some of his but it failed miserably and ended with ice cream dribbling down his chin and onto his coat. Eren simply laughed while Jean punched him in the arm.

As the day winded to a close the two men were forced to say their goodbyes. They made their way back to the café where they had left their cars and began making plans for the next day. Once the plans had been decided they awkwardly stood about, waiting for the other to initiate the goodbyes.

"Well . . . I'll see you tomorrow. I'll call you," Jean shyly murmured.

"Yeah, I can't wait," Eren grinned.

There was a slight hesitation before Jean decided to just up and do it and kiss Eren. Teal eyes popped open in surprise but then hastily shut to enjoy the kiss. It was soft and tender; it was something that Eren had definitely missed. When Jean pulled back his cheeks were slightly flushed. He waved goodbye before sprinting off to his car. Chuckling Eren headed over to his and drove off to his apartment.

The moment his apartment door swung open he knew something was off. Frowning he set his keys down on the counter and noticed that the light on his answering machine was blinking. Who the hell . . . ? He shrugged out of his jacket and pressed play. But he immediately wished he hadn't.

_"Eren, it's Levi. Look I'm sorry for everything that happened. Please call me back I want to fix things."_

Before he could react the second message began to play. _"Eren please I know you're angry . . . You were right I am a piece of shit just please call me back."_

He closed his eyes and told himself to just delete the messages. But he didn't have the willpower to do it. Levi had left a total of 11 messages; by the 6th one he was beginning to sound slightly tipsy. The 11th one was the one that had Eren's blood boiling. His voice was thick and strongly slurred: he knew that when Levi was upset, the drinks kept pouring.

_"Eren you sexy piece of ass just give me another chance. I fucked up let me fix things."_

Levi even had the audacity to blow up his cellphone! He had left it behind in a hurry and was irritated to see 26 text messages and 15 missed calls. Growling he shut off his phone and rubbed his eyes angrily. The day had been going so well and now it had gone to shit. **I thought I was done with this man!** He fell backwards onto his bed and glared at the ceiling. I swear to God if he keeps up this shit . . .

_Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for our knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out._

Much to his chagrin Levi continued to call him the next day. He had kept his cell phone off and pulled the phone cord out in anger. He didn't want his day with Jean to be spoiled so he tried desperately to clear his mind. Around noon a series of quick knocks sent Eren running to the door. Jean was standing there in all his glory, beaming at him.

"Are you ready to go?"

Eren nodded and the duo walked out together. They chatted lightly about different things but it didn't take long for Jean to notice Eren's shift in moods. As they got into the car and began to drive he cautiously asked, "What's bothering you?"

Eren had been hoping Jean wouldn't notice. He didn't want to drag him into his drama but he also knew that keeping secrets would ruin things. Sighing he ran a hand in his hair and glanced sideways at Jean.

"Levi has been calling me since last night."

A heavy pause enveloped the two. Eren's hands tightened on the steering wheel, making his knuckles go pale. Jean glanced absently out the window, trying to keep the pain out of his features. Sighing Eren relaxed a hand and reached for Jean's. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and quietly said, "I didn't answer or call him back. He doesn't deserve it."

Jean squeezed his hand back gently but did not say anything. The rest of the car ride was tense with neither of them saying a word. Originally they had planned out a whole day for themselves but the newfound drama had ruined things. They only went to grab something to eat before Jean announced he wasn't feeling too well and wanted to go home. Eren offered to take him back to his place so he could rest for a while, which he accepted. The drive back was still tense and continued to be until they entered his home. Jean noticed the phone cord yanked forcefully off the wall and gave a small smile.

He really had meant it.

"Make yourself comfortable," Eren offered, gesturing to his place. He disappeared into his bedroom to gather some sheets & pillows for his guest. Jean let his eyes sweep the apartment; it was pretty neat, given that it was Eren. He gave a quiet snort and let his eyes fall once again on the pulled out phone cord. **Had things ended that badly between them?** he wondered as he leaned against the couch. It was better not to ask and he didn't want to make Eren angrier than he already was.

Eren came out of his bedroom with a bundle of sheets and a pillow on top. He tried to speak around the large pile. "You can rest as long as you need to. The couch is pretty comfortable so you should –"

His words were cut off as Jean abruptly pushed the mountain out of Eren's hands and yanked him by the shirt, effectively locking his lips onto his. Eren was surprised; he hadn't figured Jean to be _that_ aggressive. He kissed him back just as fiercely, letting his hands wander down his body. He forgot how toned Jean was; he could feel the taut muscle underneath his baseball tee. His mind got lost in everything Jean Kirstein and his body gave up control to him. They began to stumble their way over to his bedroom, tripping over each other in the process. Despite everything crappy in his life, despite the recent events he was actually happy again. He was looking forward to the rest of the days with Jean, knowing his past would be behind him. A slight smile tugged at his lips as he continued to kiss Jean.

_Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs._

They were nearly to the bedroom when a subtle clicking sound made them pause. Eren figured it was nothing and rushed to move Jean to his bed. A whooshing sound but they continued on. It wasn't until they were in the doorframe that they stopped. Someone had slammed a door loudly and Eren then realized that it was just him and Jean in the apartment . . . He pulled himself from Jean and glanced over his shoulder.

He immediately wished he hadn't.

Levi was standing in front of the door, gray eyes narrowed into thin slits. His whole body was positively _vibrating_, anger radiating from every single pore. His cell phone was clutched tightly in his right hand and was dangerously close to being obliterated. Eyes wide, Eren pushed Jean off of him and turned to shield his date behind him. Jean gave a sharp intake of breath and whispered, "Eren, don't –"

"What do you want?" Eren barked harshly at his former lover.

Levi's eyes were barely visible. He pursed his lips and sourly replied, "Looks like you already found someone else to fuck."

His eyes quickly examined Jean before he retorted, "Someone pitiful, may I add."

Eren growled and stepped forward. "You have no right to be here. You have _no right_ to come here and harass us."

"Oh on the contrary. You never took back the spare key you gave me. I'm pretty sure if you didn't want me walking through the door you would have taken it back."

Eren froze. He had forgotten about the key he had made just for Levi. How had it slipped his mind? Giving another growl he threatened, "Get out or I will have the cops come arrest your ass."

Levi simply smirked. "Do it. I _dare_ you."

Behind Eren, Jean was beginning to tremble. He was unsure of what to do but knew he couldn't really do anything. Gently he pulled at Eren's shoulders and tried to calm him down but it was to no avail. Sighing he figured it would be best if he just left and let them figure things out. His presence would further complicate things and he didn't want Eren to hurt any further. He quietly slipped past Eren and turned to face him. Ignoring Levi he said, "I'm gonna go. I have . . . Errands to run and I don't want to get involved in your business. I'll see you."

Before Eren could protest Jean turned and abruptly walked out, closing the door sharply behind him. The tension increased in the room. Eren ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. How had it come to this? As always he spoke before thinking.

"Why do you want to get back together? You're the one who ended things, remember?"

Levi sighed and closed his eyes. Normally his face was devoid of emotion but for the moment it was drawn up in pain. His hands were shaking slightly; Eren knew he was trying to get ahold of himself. Sucking in a breath he slowly opened his eyes and watched Eren.

"I fucked up real bad, Eren. I really did. I should have . . ."

Eren crossed his arms and waited. "No, don't fucking . . . Keep going. **Why** are you here?"

"I miss you. I can't do anything without you. You never leave my fucking mind. _Ever_. I can't focus at work, I can't focus with friends . . . Hell I can barely sleep without thinking of you. I should have told you about Erwin from the beginning. It wasn't right of me to hide that he worked with me. I'm a terrible person Eren, but I'm a better person when I'm with you."

He didn't want to take two steps forward and one step back. Eren had been doing _better_. He had been out with friends and been doing great at work. He was seeing someone who truly liked him for who he was and wanted nothing but to be with him. True, Levi had loved him madly and deeply but he had also held him back a bit. He had abandoned his friends and family; he had been suffocated by Levi.

Eren didn't know what he wanted.

He bit his lip. He wanted Levi back _so bad_; he knew deep down that he had never really stopped loving the man. In a nanosecond he knew he would have jumped to be back with him. But now? He didn't know. Sighing he began, "Levi . . ."

"Please. We can fix things . . . Everything can be different . . . I promise. I won't fuck up again, just . . . Please."

What should he do? Jean's smiling face flashed in his mind but then a thought struck him. Did he _really_ like Jean? Or was he just using him to cover up the pain that Levi had caused? The realization struck him _hard_ and his mind was reeling for a second. Levi's gaze had turned downwards, head hung down in shame.

It was do or die.

Like an addict who had gone through the twelve steps of recovery, who had learned from his mistakes and knows how to tread when faced with the addiction, Eren thought things through. An addict should help another addict: that is the proper thing to do. Maybe things would be different this time around. Helping each other out would make the relationship better. No more arguing, no more fights, no more breaking up. Maybe things would turn out for the best.

Maybe things would be worse.

Eren Jaeger pushed that thought aside and sighed. "I'm not going to be easy with you, Levi. Come here."

He accepted his defeat and let his renewed lover back into his arms.


End file.
